Old Friends

Oh my gosh. so I've been looking through my FB (FaceBook) checking out people from my best old friends, people i went to high school, people I just ran into once in a while. I can not believe how much people change! Some girls I can't believe it's them. Others I can so tell it's them haha. It's so crazy to think we all knew each other in some of the most awkward times in out lives. To look at how much people have changed and grown up. so many people still live in the same neighborhoods and so many have moved. Some have kids and are married. Some just have kids. Just blows my mind to remember how people use to talk about all the things they were gonna do all the things they wanted to see, all the places they wanted to visit. I wonder how many people did the things they wanted? I know that I haven't even done anything close to what I thought I would by this time in my life. It's kinda sad how we give up on our dreams and the things we wanted. How life changes us for the good and the bad. If I could go back to high school and know the things I know now I wold be a GREAT student, I would for sure get the best out of school!

Growing up

I don't understand why everyone I know is getting married and having children?! I am so confused by why this is ok. I thought we were suppose to have fun figure out what we want out of life and then decide weather or not to marry the guy/girl we've been seeing for years or to have children. Why is everyone rushing? I am not saying people shouldn't get married or have children. I'm just wondering why I know so many people that decided to jump the gun and give up on their own hopes and dreams to take care of their childrens hopes and dreams.
I just feel like I might be behind at times. I don't want the husband and the kids and the white picket fence. I would like to find happiness with someone some day. I want to be able to have everything to a certain degree. I also wanna know why women/girls who do have children always freak out on me when I complain about my life, and that I can not have an opinion on weather or not someone is doing a good job parenting. Just because I don't have a child and I don't know what it's like to give everything up doesn't mean that my feelings about situations are invalid. I almost feel like some women/girls I come across in my life despise me. I don't wanna be despised over the fact that I didn't take that road. Sometimes I think they should feel bad for me because I can't make a huge commitment like having a child or getting married, that I am to selfish to give up all the me time I want and have the chance to date as little or as many guys as I want. Some days it bothers me that I'm on this crazy road that I never know what I am doing or not doing. I am just as lost as a new mom.

This thing called school

So started another term. This ones lame one class and it’s for not so smart people. Im probably pretty sure I shouldn’t be in there. Ha Ha but honestly there is nothing I can do about it at this point, I guess it’s a easy A?!
School is this pointless never ending circle. I got to school for 2 years at a community college to then get a transfer degree to go to a university for another 2-4 years maybe longer depending on what I plan to do with my life. So whats thew point? These days it seems like even if I had some degree I would most likely not be working in that field I would just be making barely above minim wage! This whole making a decision on what your gonna do for the next 30+ years right now seems so crazy to me! How when I was 18 was I suppose to know what I would want now or even 20 years from now? At 18 I could barley wipe my own butt let alone make a actual life decision! And high school was suppose to prep me for college ha ha that’s the funnest thing I have ever heard! I’m nothing but behind and it’s been years!
But I have made a decision finally! Now I just need to get the ball rolling and there is no guarantee that I will be excepted in to this program either. Which also pisses me off if I wanna pay for school to be something then I should at least be able to get the opportunity to do it and if I fail because I am no good at it then why can’t I?!

Dying

Today was a sad day. My family and I had to put one of our family dogs (Emma) down. She didn't even seem sick. Come to find out she had been sick since birth, and should have never lived passed a year and a half. So I am thankful that we had her for a little over 4 years! I feel that letting someone go is so hard. It never seems easy saying good bye. As I held Emma's head while she was being put down I couldn't help but wonder where are you going? Why are you leaving my family and causing such a HUGE whole in our hearts? Then it gets me thinking about people who have to deal with a child dying and how unfair that is. I once saw a 2 year old and his father get struck by a car killing the little boy. The look on this fathers face all bloody and just blank. How could something like this happen! How is that you can be here on day and be gone the next. This is something I realize is never going to be answered or gonna get easier letting people go. I am going on 24 and everyone I know is going on a year older two. One day everyone will die and I will have to watch people around me become old and slowly slip from my life. Just to come home and having one less dog makes my life feel a little less full like something is missing. So when people start disappearing from my life and the hole in my life gets bigger and will never be fixed what am I to do? Who am I to turn to? When I am gone will there be a hole in others hearts?